


"Good"

by ImmortalCoelacanth



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: A bit of self loathing and regret, Also a bit of introspective and finding self identity, Benrey and Joshua have a conversation, Fluff, Gen, Set during the "Good Ending", a dash of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:09:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25319581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmortalCoelacanth/pseuds/ImmortalCoelacanth
Summary: Benrey was not human, he was not an alien, he was just… something else. Something dangerous, something destructive, something that had nearly killed Gordon over and over again. He was… bad.Right?
Comments: 12
Kudos: 137





	"Good"

**Author's Note:**

> I crave more wholesome interactions with Joshua...

_“I’ve gotta take care of some business, but I should be back in a couple hours.” Gordon quickly explained as he pulled on his jacket, smacking his arm off the wall in the process._

_Benrey watched, confused as to what the rush was and uncertain as to what Gordon meant. He was coming back at some point so things would be chill until then-_

_“Make sure Joshua doesn’t break anything.” Gordon quickly added, not noticing how the smile on Benrey’s face dropped and the slate grey orbs that floated out of his mouth. “There’s food in the fridge-shit, can you even use a microwave?!”_

_“i make my gamer fuel in there.” Benrey shrugged, trying to look casual and composed. “like eggs-”_

_“You what-NO! YOU DO NOT PUT EGGS-oh my god.” Gordon groaned, pressing his head into his hands for a moment to wallow in the sheer mental agony of trying to process such a horrible cooking choice before scrambling to get ready once more. “No eggs. No microwave.”_

_“no me gusta?”_

_“You’re like an old internet meme.”_

_An Uno card was chucked at Gordon’s face, which was quickly dodged. He glared at Benrey, ignoring the faint laughter coming from the other man, and pulled his keys out of his pocket._

_It was at this moment that Benrey began internally panicking. He could handle being on his own, but having to watch after a_ **_kid-_ **

_“Text me if anything happens or if you need help!” Gordon called out as he made his way out the door and locked it behind him._

_He did not see how Benrey stretched an arm out after him, face panicked and worried as he tried to beg the other man to stay because_ **_oh shit oh shit I don’t know what to do-_ **

It had been about three hours since Gordon had left on whatever business he needed to complete. Fortunately, Joshua had been rather chill about the entire situation, happy to be able to play games with Benrey and just relax. 

Of course, the kid had only had a melted cheese sandwich for dinner since Benrey had no clue what to really make for him, but Joshua had not complained. For a while the mock guardian had waited to see if the kid would be poisoned by the makeshift meal, but all seemed to be fine. 

Benrey did not get… food, or at least the type of food that Gordon typically made. He was all for fast and easy to prepare, and only somewhat edible. Cereal, frozen meals, stale candy, that was the good shit. 

Not good for a growing child according to Gordon. 

He sighed and dragged a hand down his face as he watched Joshua flop over the sofa and watch tv. His legs were up in the air and his head was hanging off the sofa, he was basically upside down. A humorous sight, something that helped to alleviate the worry in Benrey. 

He was so stupidly worried. 

A part of him wondered why Gordon had left Joshua in his care, even if there had been some sort of an emergency he needed to take care of. Tommy made a much better babysitter! Coomer did too!

Literally anyone was better than him! He was… 

Dangerous. 

Benrey knew he was the furthest thing from safe due to both his nature and lack of knowledge in practically everything. He had no experience in dealing with _any_ of this simple human stuff, had no clue what was potentially dangerous and was just… 

A _hazard._

It was something he had come to terms with some time ago, recalling all the things he had done back in Black Mesa and how _easily_ it had happened. How easily he had killed innocent people, not that he felt guilty for ending those lives, but it was something he was aware of. 

Aware of how potentially dangerous he could be. Aware of how many times he had hurt Gordon and nearly _killed_ him without meaning to-

He did not dislike himself because of this, per say. There were times where he looked back on certain actions with distaste, all of them involving hurting Gordon in some way, and continuously reminded himself that he needed to do better, _be_ better. 

It was _exhausting,_ and now he had a kid to look after for who knows how long- 

“Benrey?”

Ah shit. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. 

“yooooo, what’s up little joshie?” Benrey casually waved at the kid who was now standing in front of him, having abandoned both the sofa and television. “josh dude, bro josh- _brosh.”_

The last nickname got a laugh out of Joshua, though the laughter quickly faded out and was replaced by a silence mixed with the muted noises of the television. Not wanting to have to deal with any awkward silences, especially when he was in a bit of a mood already, he asked another question. 

“you-you bored of the tv or somethin’? wanna play some games and chill?” 

Joshua quickly shook his head. He actually seemed… nervous, which was weird since he was relaxed earlier. Did something happen? Did Gordon text him something? Had something bad happened to Gordon?

“Benrey… d-do you like me?”

Well that was a loaded question. 

The ex-security guard let out a nervous laugh. “wh-what do… do you mean by that, little joshie bro?”

“You kinda act like some of the kids at school who don’t like me.” The explanation was rushed, nothing more than a sharp exhale. “You talk to me and play games with me and stuff but you always look… uncomfortable.”

_Shit, shit, shit-_

“And…” Oh god, was the kid starting to _cry_ now?! Water could be seen building up in Joshua’s eyes, and he sniffled. “I-If you’re only doing it cause you wanna make dad happy, that’s okay. Dad should be happy since he’s stressed a lot-”

“no, no, no!” Benrey quickly interrupted while waving his arms, hoping to stop the young boy’s spiral into sorrow. “it’s not you-i’m just… just-”

Words, why were words such a struggle?! In his stressed state, he placed his hands on his helmet and groaned, grey bubbles floating out of his mouth. 

Grey means that he’s not okay. Not that Joshua knew this, of course. All the kid knew was that Benrey was having some sort of a reaction to his words, and that it did not seem to be a good one. He anxiously fiddled with his hands as he watched the ex-security guard. It looked as though he was contemplating leave, probably planning on going to his room and wallowing in his sorrowful emotions, and this was when Benrey decided to speak up. 

“bbbbbbbbb, joshie-you… you’re a good kiddo. cool pro gamer.” He somewhat rambled, as close to rambling as he could get at the moment. “you don’t-you’re not… th-those kids are wrong a-and you need to eat your veggies-”

Oh this was a disaster. 

Partially giving up, Benrey groaned and walked over to the sofa. He plopped down and buried his head in his hands. What should he do, _what should he do-_

Joshua, seeing the obvious strife that the ex-security guard was going through at the moment, walked over to the sofa and sat down beside him. Despite thinking that Benrey did not like him, the last thing the young boy wanted was a bad relationship with the strange man. 

Partly due to the fact that Joshua _did_ enjoy his presence, and his dad clearly cared about the man to some extent. It was just that sometimes he could see Benrey cringe before talking to him, the hesitation during some of their interactions and… 

It hurt, plain and simple. 

Benrey cringed as he felt the cushion dip as Joshua joined him, and he hesitantly lifted his head up to look at the kid. He took in the worried expression on his face, as well as the lingering anxiety and tears that were present. 

“it’s me.” He blurted out, not knowing how else to phrase it. Upon seeing Joshua’s confused expression, he kept speaking. “kids, i dunno… kids are _tough_ little dude, but they’re also fragile and i... don’t wanna h- _hurt_ you on accident cause you’re cool and feetman’s special kiddo-”

He was not going to mention the time he had jokingly insulted Joshua’s appearance. He was not the best at navigating conversations, but even he knew that would be a stupid move. 

“and i’m… me.” He gestured to himself, pointing out some of the key features that made him look so different from your typically human. The glowing eyes, the sharp teeth, the talons that would appear and disappear. 

“i’m-i’m not safe. i... hurt your dad and-and a bunch of other people and you’re so... soft’n squishy cause you’re a kid and i don’t wanna hurt you too.” 

“Would you accidentally hurt me?” Joshua’s question was simple, and so was the answer that Benrey had for it. 

“course not, you’re my little gamer bro.” He immediately replied, momentarily surprised at how coherent his words were. “we’re... we’re buddies’n stuff, right? i wouldn't let that happen if-if i could stop it, y'know?”

“We’re buddies? Really?” The shine of tears in Joshua’s eyes seemed to be replaced by the glow of excitement and joy. 

_Oh god, he was getting the warm fuzzies-_

“yeah we’re like-like two peas in a pod.”

To celebrate the wholesome conclusion that had been reached, the pair decided to engage in some friendly competition by playing some video games. Of course, Benrey did hold back a bit so he did not totally crush Joshua during their various bouts of fighting and racing. 

The kid _totally_ did not kick his butt, not in the slightest. 

As what tends to happen with kids around his age, Joshua slowly began to grow more and more tired as time passed, although he did not want to go to his room to sleep. 

He was still a bit worried about his dad, after all. 

So, he ended up having the brilliant idea of asking Benrey if he could watch him play some video games. Fortunately for the young boy, the ex-security guard was quick to agree with his idea. This allowed Joshua to stay by his side and relax. 

At some point he _did_ end up passing out, not that Benrey noticed for two reasons. The first being his hyper focus that was directed towards the game he was playing, and the second being that he was also getting pretty tired. 

Which was quite unusual since Benrey was a night owl, but he assumed it had something to do with the emotionally draining conversation from earlier. 

Slowly, his eyes began to shut and the controller started to slip from his grip. By the time it hit the ground, he was fast asleep. 

Hours later, Benrey was roused out of his nap as he felt a warm hand resting on his shoulder, gently shaking him. A voice whispered his name over and over. It was familiar. 

_Gordon…?_

Bleary eyes cracked open, Benrey groaning faintly in annoyance as he waited for his vision to clear, only seeing the blurry outline of some figure. Plus there was that weird weight on his side. Felt kinda nice, even if he didn’t know what it was. 

After rubbing his eyes and getting the grit out of them, he found himself staring up into Gordon’s face, and was greeted by the surprisingly warm smile on it. He could feel his cheeks flush as his heart pumped faster in his chest. 

Gordon looked so cute in the dim lighting provided by the tv, highlighting his cheekbones and the scruffy beard. His eyes seemed to shimmer and glow, and every bit of his messy hair reflected the light-

“Thanks for taking care of Joshie.” Gordon suddenly said, snapping Benrey out of his thoughts. The ex-security guard continued stare at him as he continued speaking. “It looks like you two have a fun time.” 

_… wha?_

His confusion must have been obvious as the other man was quick to gesture towards whatever the weight on his side was, and a quick glance had Benrey inhaling sharply. 

At some point during the night, Joshua had fallen asleep against him. The young boy was curled up on his side, arms and knees tucked close to his chest and he practically snuggled up to Benrey. He was still sound asleep, somehow. 

A miracle based on how loud Benrey’s heart was beating. Surely the kid could hear it too.

He must have fallen asleep at some point, but it was surprising that he had not moved or gone to his room to sleep in his bed. 

Benrey hesitantly lifted a hand up before gently placing it on Joshua’s back. The kid mumbled something in his sleep and stirred, not waking up. Gordon’s smile grew at the sight and he fully stood up. For a moment, Benrey assumed he was going to pick the kid up and take him to his bed, but this assumption was proven wrong when Gordon started quietly cleaning up the living room. 

“psssst, feetman? gaydon? wh-when are you gonna move josh dude?”

Gordon turned around, the smug smirk on his face letting him know that he was about to face his demise. “Move him? But he looks so _comfortable.”_

_“feetman don’t do this to me-”_

“C’mon, Benrey, do you really wanna make Joshua sad? Just look at how happy he is.” 

Benrey blinked at his words and, with a bit of prompting, looked down at Joshua once more. After a bit of focusing, he was still kind of tired, his eyes landed on the kid’s face. 

He was _still_ smiling _._ Still happy at the outcome of the conversation that had taken place hours earlier. 

Gordon chuckled as Benrey sat there, in shock and awed at the revelation. He… he had made someone _happy._ Cheered them up when they were down. With the realization that he had managed to actually help someone, never mind that someone being a kid who was almost as important to him as Gordon, Benrey came to another conclusion. 

Maybe he wasn't so bad after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hoooogh, I like writing HLVRAI content but my muse just doesn't want to work sometimes. The oneshots that I've previously mentioned are still in the works, just gotta find the energy to finish them up!
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed reading!
> 
> \- ImmortalCoelacanth


End file.
